I can't even describe how good it feels to know that I am officially done! It is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I think everyone got sick of hearing about how worried I was about each test; and how the possibility of not passing was a reality. Regardless of whether it really was or wasn't a possibility- in my mind it absolutely was. I don't know how many "most important test in my life" there can be! Just ask Jamie how many times she has heard me say- just help me get past this one more test, then I will be able to help out more with...
Looking all the way back to the MCAT- I thought it was the most important test because it would determine which school I would get into. Then USMLE Step 1- which was the biggest determining factor for which residency program I would be able to get into. I was literally making myself sick and throwing up the night before I took Step 1. Although I wasn't throwing up before Step 2, there was still pressure because I couldn't do worse on Step 2 then I did on Step 1 or it would look bad to a residency program. Step 3 was admittedly not the most important test, but still stressful since it was the last step before I could be licensed as a practicing physician. The three annual In-Training Exams in residency were each stressful since I was surrounded by so many gunners at Mayo that I didn't want to look like the class idiot by failing them. Also, they were indicative of how you would do on the real boards so I used them as a guge of how prepared I was to take written boards. Since the last ITE was only a few months before my written anesthesia boards I studied for it like it was the real thing. After I didn't do as well as I would have liked to on my last ITE, I really had to kick it into gear by studying hard and going to a review course before the written boards in July. During my review I spoke with several others who had failed the written boards, some several times, and I knew it was a real possibility for me as well. There were even a couple of people from Mayo who had not passed the previous year. I never was really in fear of being kicked out of Anesthesia, but I didn't want to be the guy everyone talked about at my previous residency program- or the guy that everyone talked about at my new job, as the one who failed his boards. Also- failing written boards would mean I wouldn't be able to take oral boards and postpone completion for at least another year.
It was a huge relief the pass writtens and qualify to take the oral boards, but it was also another huge stress. I knew that even people who breezed through all of the written tests stressed and struggled with the oral boards. There is no standard to study- or quantifiable knowledge to master. You have to sit with two board examiners for 20 minutes and answer whatever questions they try to come up as they back you into a corner. There is no "right answer" to their questions- but many wrong answers. The whole purpose of the exam is to throw every possible complication at you and see if are able to problem solve and act appropriately. Knowing that motivated me to prepare and although I studied hard for each test- I admittedly crammed most of my studying for previous tests into the last 6-8 weeks before each one. While preparing for the oral boards I forced myself to get a head start and consistently studied each day as I read through Yao and Artisian's Problem-Oriented Anesthesia and went to several practice oral examinations. Even with all the preparation I did- I was uncertain going into the exam. It didn't help that the April blizzard that dropped 2 feet of snow on North Dakota, while I waited in the aiport for a flight that would never leave, delayed my arrival in Florida by 2 days and made me miss the capstone review course I had signed up for. I knew I needed that reivew and I tried everything I could to get there in time for it, including having Jamie tow me up our street so I could get to a plowed street in my car. Once I got onto the main road, I was able to make it without getting stuck as long as I was able to keep my speed up. I was the only one crazy enough to brave the roads as I tried to make it to Minot where the weather was less intense, but in the end the flights were canceled from there as well and there was nothing else I could do but wait for 2 days as the storm dissipated and my stress grew. The night before the exam, as I sat in my Florida hotel room, I was on the verge of throwing up again. Even after the exam I was no less relieved. Usually immediately after each test I feel a huge relief knowing that for better or worse- it was over. I didn't get the same feeling after my oral examination. All I could do was think about the questions I was asked and quesion my answers. Going back over my answers and the examiner's responses- I couldn't tell if they were pressing me to see if I would break and do the wrong thing- or pressing me because they were trying to help me by giving me several opportunities to do the right thing. I honestly wouldn't have been any more or less surprised if the letter came today saying I had failed.
Well, I didn't fail- and in the end all of the studying and stressing apparently paid off when I received my letter in the mail today. So, at least until MOCA is required for recertification in 10 years- I am officially done studying for tests. Here is a copy of my board certification certificate in celebration.
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